Don’t get me wrong, i’m a person all for unity (especially in Unity New Hampshire) but this is ridiculous not to mention totally hypocritical!
Am I the only person on the planet who finds the sudden “campaigning partnership” of Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton a little weird not to mention totally hypocritical!
To finish reading the rest of this article please click on hypocritical unity.
Hey plus-sized lesbian, are you running around like a chicken with it’s head cut off in pursuit of the perfect wedding gown?
Well take a chill pill girl because help is here!
There’s this great website coming soon that will sell:
Wedding Apparel (Dresses & Bridesmaids Gowns)
Lingerie
Apparel (Casual Wear & More)
Jewelry
Accessories (Handbags, Some Shoes)
It’s called BetterHalf Fashions and it has everything you need for your special day.
Currently the website is under redesign and i’ll let you know when they are open for business but at least you are the first to know about it which is always cool.
So lesbians get your credit and debit cards ready to go because very soon it will be time to do some shopping, bridal-style!
For more information click on BetterHalf Fashions!
According to author Noah Reilly, you should check out his gay romance novel because………..
“I think mine cuts the b.s. pretty well. You’ll find it very realistic.”
Check it out online.
Submitted by Noah Reilly, author
Hey all you gay die-hard romantics, buy and read this book and let me know what you think.
P.S. And remember to support one of your own so that we can see gay & lesbian authors on main stream bookshelves all across America!
For more info on Noah Reilly and his novel please click on Gay Romance Novel!
Hey Gay Guys!
As I was looking at all of the items on a website called JustMensRings.com, one thing really caught my eye. Literally! The item was the “High Polish Wedding Ring Band.”
I like two things about this ring.
First, the price! The ring looks pretty expensive but looks can be deceiving. The retail price for this ring is only $22.00! Cool beans!
Second, the appearance! The ring is made out of sterling silver and it is super shiny! I mean really, really, really shiny! Cool beans! Or rather I should say, cool rings!
So, if any of you Gay Guys in California are looking to make your union with your partner legal now that the California Supreme Court has overturned the ban on gay marriage (Yay!) and your low on funds then you really might want to consider buying this wedding ring because it literally screams, “I gotta’ man! I gotta’ man! So back off because i’m taken!”
For more info on this wedding ring and website click on JustMensRings.com!
A question for lesbians: Would you date a woman who had a prominent unibrow?
For example, click here.
If not, tell me why.
A question for gay males: Would you date a guy who had a prominent unibrow?
For example click here.
If not, tell me why.
Do Gay and Lesbians get upset or offended when they see heterosexual couples kissing in public, i.e. at a restaurant, in a park or simply out on the street?
Do you think to yourself, “Get a room” or do you think it’s romantic?
However you feel let me know what you think.
Gay Guys, first break out some Paas Easter egg dye and color up some eggs.
Next, get cleaned up then put on the brand spankin’ new Rainbow Brite costume that you ordered from Angelbodywear for Halloween. For those of you who got some Easter egg dye on your costume or it got ripped from a night of passion with your latest boyfriend their website is http://www.angelbodywear.com/sexy-halloween-costumes.aspx.
Next, fill a bowl with the colored eggs.
Next answer the door, when the trick-or-treater says, “Trick or Treat” give them the colored eggs. If anyone protests, explain that the eggs are the only thing you had left over from Easter.
After you give them the colored eggs, take out a pad and pen and then hand the trick-or-treaters a bill for the colored eggs.
“Oh answer your cell, or i’m gonna’ tell!”
“You ate all the Peanut Butter and Jelly!”
“Many protests were heard, lots of discouraging words!”
“Cause’ we had to eat Liverwurst from the A&P deli!”
Come on!
Send me one of your ridiculous ringtones!
Page 1
Definition:
S.F.O.L. stands for Shit-Faced On Love.
Instead of a gay or lesbian couple being drunk on screwdrivers, gin and tonics, tequila sunrises or banana daiquiris they are drunk on their love for each other. When these couples are together they experience an overwhelming intoxicating feeling of intense passion for each other which often leads to public displays of french-kissing, butt-rubbing, penis-stroking and boob-tweaking.
GAY.COM (ranks 1,766 in Alexa - March 2007) is the largest gay and lesbian online dating site with over 3 million active world-wide members!
In addition to online dating, they also offer other gay community related information, entertainment, live chat, news and much more!
Join! Get a subscription or become a member now!
For more info on Gay.com click on the link below!
Is the reason why mainstream America is so against gays adopting children is that they will “turn” a child gay? (Which is ridiculous!)
Is the reason why mainstream America is so against gays adopting children is that they will do something sexually inappropriate or molest the child? (Even though this is highly unlikely and a heterosexual could just as easily do this as well.)
What’s mainstream America so scared of when it comes to gays adopting children?
There are so many children especially older, minority, special needs and siblings in our system today who NEED and DESERVE a good loving home and there are so many gay couples and single gays who could easily solve this problem.
Plus, it is a proven fact that children are more likely to commit crimes, do drugs or get pregnant when they don’t have a strong parental influence in their lives to guide them on issues of morality which is why gay adoption is so necessary.
I mean let’s face it, the majority of gays don’t have the monetary resources of Melissa Etheridge or Rosie O’Donnell so they usually have no choice other than trying to adopt a child through a public adoption agency run by the state that they reside in. These agencies can be very strict and alot of gays have reported verbal abuse and discrimination by individuals of these agencies which is totally unfair but an unfortunate fact of life for gays wanting to adopt children.
So, I ask again, what’s mainstream America so scared of when it comes to gays adopting children?
Let me know what you think the answer is.
Hey Gay & Lesbians, did you have a hard day at the office, is your girdle too tight, agitated because of all the Lindsay Lohan & Britney Spears coverage-drama or are the kids driving you nuts? If you answered “yes” to any of the above questions, try this fun drink by renowned chef Toribio Prado of Cha Cha Cha Restaurant in Los Angeles, CA to help lift your spirits! (Just remember not to drink and drive and listen to the song, “Hit Me Baby One More Time!”)
WHITE SPLASH
Ingredients Needed:
8 ounces milk
2 shots “Licor 43″ (Liquor 43) or “Kahlua” or “Cointreau”
2 ounces ice
1 cinnamon stick
1 pinch of fresh ground nutmeg
Instructions:
In a 16 ounce glass, pour ice, Licor 43 (or substitutes) and milk. Add cinnamon stick and sprinkle top with nutmeg.
Preparation:
5 minutes
Are you a gay or lesbian trying to find your soulmate?
Do you use dating websites to do this?
Are you having trouble getting responses from the man or woman of your dreams or are you receiving alot of responses from people who are not right for you?
If you answered “yes” to any of the questions above, let me give you a tip.
A well-written profile on a dating website can attract a lot of men and women but sometimes a well-written profile is not enough.
Sometimes the only way to find your soulmate is to bare your soul. An individual can do this in two ways. They can bare their soul in their profile or they can do it in a short poem or other creative writing piece in addition to their profile. All dating websites are different, but every one of them has places to do this. Below are two examples. The first is my own personal profile that I created and second is a short poem that I wrote.
EXAMPLE 1: PERSONAL PROFILE FOR ONLINE DATING SERVICE
Welcome
Tina “Knowledgeable” Peden
Total members:16
Online members:3
Profile completion: 47%
Members who have visited my page: 100
Members who have sent me a kiss: 10
new emails: 2
Profile:
Knowledgeable
New Haven, Connecticut, United States
Age: 37 years old
0 Photo | 0 Audio | 0 Video | Upload…
General Description Self-Portrait | Desired Partner Criteria | Multimedia Album | Rating
Personal Info
Looking for:
Male (37 - 40 years old)
For: Friendship
Name:
Tina Peden
Country:
United States
Region:
Connecticut
Birthday:
04-13-1970
City:
New Haven
Gender:
Female
Zip-code:
06511
Email:
tinapeden2003@yahoo.com
Nationality:
American
Personal Headline:
Languages:
English
My description
Edit Completed 56%
Weight:
None of your business!
Height:
5′5″
Hair:
Black
Hair length:
Medium
Eyes:
Brown
Ethnic origin:
Black
Academic degree:
College Diploma
Profession:
Writer
Income:
None of your business!
Marital Status:
Single
Children:
I don’t have any children
Smoking Habits:
I don’t smoke
Horoscope:
Aries
Profile:
I love black olives, American Idol and cute shoes, all in that order. I hate guys who abuse women, beets and Omarosa, not necessarily in that order. I am a freelance writer currently getting paid to write about things that suck but a girl has to do what she’s gotta do to put over-priced food on the table. My dream is to be a successful comedy writer. Someday I hope to see milk coming out of people’s noses and mouths due to laughing hysterically from reading my writing. Because of having an extremely abusive assholic father, I am very independent and have alot of trust issues when it comes to men. I am looking for a male friend around my age who can dispel the myth that I carry around in my head that all men are not like my father.
EXAMPLE 2: POEM I WROTE
A Prayer For The Sober - My Life With An Alcoholic
An adult child of an alcoholic shares her experience on living with an abusive alcoholic father.
Alcohol is terror!
Alcoholics are terror too!
Alcoholism is terror!
But living with ALL of them is the worst terror of all!
You’re always scared to go home, because you don’t know what the hell is going to happen!
Leaving home isn’t all that great either, because you don’t know what the hell you’re going to come home to.
If only alcoholics could see themselves through the eyes of their loved ones, then I bet you your bottom dollar they wouldn’t dream of touching another drop of that poison.
For most people,
their savior,
their God,
the being in which they pray to is Jesus Christ.
But for me, an adult child of an alcoholic,
my savior,
my God,
the being in which I pray to is Alcoholics Anonymous.
I pray to my God every night silently begging for the following things:
I ask my God for the courage and the strength to get through another day with my alcoholic.
I ask my God to help convince my alcoholic to stop drinking.
I ask my God to help convince my alcoholic to get some help before he harms himself or worse, someone else.
Please God, oh please!
Hear my plea!
And this plea is not only for me.
God, this is a plea for this nightmare to be over!
PLEASE GOD GRANT MY PRAYER FOR THE SOBER.
If you are a gay man or lesbian who really wants to find their soulmate, use these areas to include personal stories and experiences to let people know the real you.
A lot of times people are attracted to other individuals who have been through the same or similar things that they themselves have been through, or there are some individuals who may not have been through what you have been through but they can empathize, which may attract them to you.
Either way it is a win-win situation.
REMEMBER, to find your soulmate, sometimes it is necessary to bare your soul. I know that this may be difficult but in the name of love, sometimes a person has to ”pull out all of the stops.” If they don’t, there is always someone else who will.
I would pay to be a fly on the wall or in the late Ann Lander’s case, a fly on the inside of her marble coffin to hear what the former advice queen had to say about controversial advice column queen, Dan Savage buying her desk after her death.
Below are some comments that I think Ann has made.
NEGATIVE COMMENTS:
“Oh no he didn’t girlfriend just buy up MY desk!”
“To swallow or not to swallow, that is the question. But Dan, if you don’t swallow, don’t spit that shit out on my desk! That’s rude!”
“The only thing we have to fear in advice writing is not fear itself but rather the words fuck, cock, pussy, motherfucker, shit, asshole or basically any kind of profanity that Savage uses in his column!”
“Hey, that’s mine!”
“Don’t even try to give me the flu from the grave by lickin’ my desk bitch!”
POSITIVE COMMENTS:
“Yeah baby!”
“He looks just like me when I was his age.”
“Dan, you like me! You really like me!”
“Instead of passing the torch, Dan i’m passing this roll-top to you!”
“Dan, I know that you won’t forget to clean my desk with lemon Pledge or Murphy’s Oil Soap at least once a week.”
Being a straight black female in an ever-growing gay world, there are many questions that I would like to ask the gay community such as…………….
Do you consider a bisexual male to be gay, straight or something else?
Do you consider a bisexual female to be gay, straight or something else?
Let me know.
Explain.
Money/Career Forecast: Good news Lesbians! You will receive a long-awaited
cost-of-living raise that you have been counting on! Unfortunately the extra 25 cents per hour won’t be enough to buy that six room beach house in the Bahamas that you want.
Lucky Day(s) of the Month: September 25th
Love/Relationship Forecast: Gay Guys, after years of praying, crying, binge eating chocolate bon-bons and 2,000 broken dishes, one of your wishes will finally come true when your longtime boyfriend finally tells you that he loves you but only after years of you pretending that you don’t want a serious relationship. But who cares! Better late than never! All your hard work not to mention your strategy finally paid off!
Lucky Day(s) of the Month: September 3rd (Happy Labor Day!)
Fashion Forecast: Lesbians, numerous compliments from women of all races will come your way when you wear a stunning black dress that you bought at Macys. Just remember to keep a cool head when you find out after doing three loads of laundry that it is a MATERNITY dress and you’re not pregnant! Fashion rule number one: “Baby, it doesn’t matter how big a dress is, it’s how good you look in it!”
Lucky Day(s) of the Month: September 1st & 4th
Entertainment Forecast: Gay Guys, a new friend enters your life after a crisis situation. You and Paris Hilton will become best buds after her new movie, tv show, cd, clothing line and the gazillion other things that this no talent chick is trying to sell will bomb causing her to hit the “food” bottle and gain 79 pounds.
Lucky Day(s) of the Month: September 7th & 9th
Everybody sing!
Verse 1:
WARNING!
Gay Guys, some gay guys will say anything to get some penis!
To the legit
To pure bullshit
Gay Guys, here’s an example of this macho bullshit
Verse 2:
DUMB-ASS GAY MALE SAYS:
Hey baby!
If we have sex tonight, you don’t even have to worry about gettin’ no disease!
You’re looking at the only man in the world who doesn’t have to wear a rubber!
They call me Quick Draw Withdraw!
Yee-haw!
In a flash, I’ll pull my dick out of your anus before I cum!
Verse 3:
STUNNED SMART-ASS GAY MALE SAYS:
Now that line was just plain dumb!
You low-down dirty bum!
So to punish you.
Yes, punish you!
For only thinking of you.
And for only thinking with your shriveled-up woo-woo! (i.e. little dick)
This guy says:
No penis!
No penis!
No penis for you!
I’m gonna’ make this short because i’m hoping that the majority of you will stay awake long enough to read this web page before you float off into la la land courtesy of the purple haze trip you just took.
So i’m gonna bogart your joints, pipes and bongs temporarily until I say what I have to say then i’ll be gone in 60 seconds.
P.S. The movie, “Gone in 60 Seconds” starring Nicholas Cage and Angelina Jolie is a great movie to watch while you’re F.U.B.A.R! (i.e. Fucked Up Beyond All Recognition) Another good movie to watch is “Dazed and Confused” starring a young Ben Affleck and indie queen, Parker Posey.
Anyhoo, I have a question for the gals and I have a question for the guys.
Lesbians, do you only participate in marijuana/drug studies specifically designed to help get your ass off of drugs in hopes that you’ll earn enough extra cash to buy a couple of bricks for special occasions like Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday?
(Nod your head cause’ you know that the answer is “yes.”)
Gay Guys, do you cheer and smile when your boyfriend tells you that he would rather suck on a glass dick than suck on your dick because the glass dick tastes so much better than yours?
(Nod your head cause’ you know that the answer is “yes.”)
Gals, if you answered “yes” to the above question then you are a totally zonked out pothead!
Guys, if you answered “yes” to the above question then you are not only a totally zonked out pothead but you are in need of some serious help asap!
This is where these Marijuana Brownie Recipes come in handy.
Enjoy and bon appetit!
MARIJUANA BROWNIE RECIPE 1:
Pot brownies are one of the most popular cannabis recipes around, and like the cannabis butter, its very easy to make.
Ingredients:
Box of brownie mix
Recommended amount of butter on box of mix
2 eggs (or mix recommended amount)
A few notes about the ingredients:
Many brownie mix recipes will recommend oil, however I still use cannabis butter. Always use the amount of butter (or oil) recommended on the box and adjust the amount of marijuana you use accordingly. Again I recommend at least 3.5 grams (preferably more).
Directions:
Prepare the weed butter as explained in the cannabis butter recipe.
Throw all the ingredients mentioned on your brownie mix box (including the weed butter) into a mixing bowl and start mixing.
Evenly pour the mix into a greased cooking pan no smaller than 9″ x 9″
Then place in the oven for the recommended time at the recommended temperature.
And we’re done!
Happy baking!
MARIJUANA BROWNIE RECIPE 2:
The Real Special Brownie Recipe
by John Lange
Foreward: Okay. Im stoned right now. I have been going online and have found NO good articles on pot brownies. All of these articles are bullshit saying “oh yeah, just dump the weed into brownie mix”. Now if you do that then you’ll get a stomache ache, hardcore stomache ache, and you’ll also shit green flakes for a week. So here is the recipe.
What you need:
1. All the ingredients for brownies(home made recipe or ready to make)(the only thing we are fucking with is the fat.)
2. About a half ounce to an ounce of pot (half ounce got me and friends totally fucked up)
3. A frying pan.
Preparing the Brownies:
1. Alright first take all the oil that is supposed to be used in the recipe. If there is no oil then use the fat or butter instead. Now take this oil and put it in the frying pan at a medium heat on the stove. Melt the butter/oil and heat it up a little.
2. Dump in all the weed (make sure ALL seeds and stems are removed, this is important!) Now what we’re going to do is stir around the weed in the oil and get it mixed in really well. Stir it for about 3-5 minutes. Now what you’re doing is when the leaves are heated it breaks down the cell wall and releases thc. Now thc is a fat-soluble chemicle so the butter/oil will absorb it.
3. Take the oil and poor it through a sifter. This is to get out all the weed (you can take this and say its highly resonated chronic nugs). Now use the oil as needed for the recipe and follow the rest of the instructions.
WHATEVER YOU DO, DO NOT PUT STRAIGHT WEED INTO BROWNIES!!!!
P.S. I know that what I had to say took longer than 60 seconds but just remember this saying, “He or she who holds the bud, holds the power!”
Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!
What did you think about this movie?
Tell me!
Was it a realistic portrayal of a gay male relationship?
Give me YOUR review of the movie.
To learn more about this movie please click on the link below.
“I wish Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhaal were really gay! If they were i’d be in heaven!”
With Christmas fast approaching, I know that alot of you fellows will be going home to spend the holiday with your families. Some of you will also be taking along your future husband-to-be to meet your parents for the first time.
Fathers, you really don’t have to worry about because basically as long as the boyfriend doesn’t drink up all of the beer, eat up all of the hamburgers and potato chips, talk too much or block the television while a sporting event is on they’re okay with Dad, but when it comes to Mothers and their gay sons, guys watch out!
Gay Guys, let me give you a valuable piece of advice, a couple of days before you make the trip to his parent’s house be sure to pump your boyfriend thoroughly for details on his Mother. Ask him about things that she likes and MOST IMPORTANTLY things that she doesn’t like done in her house especially during the Christmas holiday! To give you an idea of exactly what I am talking about, I have included a couple of examples below of what not to do in your boyfriend’s mamas house if you want to continue to keep that big-ass 7 carat diamond ring on your finger.
ATHEIST MAMA HOUSE RULE:
“Don’t ever disrespect Jodie Foster in front of your boyfriend’s Atheist Mama! What are you crazy!”
Gay Guys, ever since her iconic and to atheists everywhere inspirational role in the movie, “Contact” as Dr. Eleanor Arroway, you know the “I-don’t-believe-in-God-I-believe-in-Science character she portrayed, Jodie Foster has achieved “God-like” status in every atheist home around the world.
So, before your boyfriend takes you home to meet his Atheist Mama for the first time, memorize the following words below.
“Praise Jodie, Love Jodie, Be One With Jodie But Don’t Ever Disrespect Jodie!”
Remember, when you are talking to your boyfriend’s Atheist Mama try to say as many nice things about Jodie Foster as you possibly can. I have included two examples below.
Example 1:
“The roast and potatoes that you cooked for dinner tonight Mrs. Watson tasted fantastic but Jodie Foster could have done a much better job than you.”
Example 2:
“I just loved the movie, “Freaky Friday” Ms. Jones! You know the one with Jodie Foster not the remake with that skank ho’ alcoholic Lindsay Lohan.”
Really lay it on thick! Really butter your boyfriend’s Atheist Mama up!
SPANISH SPEAKING MAMA HOUSE RULE:
“What the hell did she say? Don’t tell a Spanish Speaking Mama that you speak the Spanish language when you don’t!”
Gay Guys, if your definition of speaking Spanish consists of words and phrases like “mucho hungry”, “yucky agua”, “delicious tortilla”, “nice sombrero” or “I love Jose Cuervo tequila” i’m here to tell you that’s not speaking Spanish! Well, I mean technically it is because you have used a couple of Spanish words but just because you know a couple of Spanish words doesn’t mean that you are fluent in the Spanish language.
So don’t go telling a Spanish Speaking Mama that you speak Spanish when you clearly don’t!
Gay Guys, if you are stupid enough to disregard my words be prepared for the rest of the Christmas holiday to have your boyfriend’s Spanish Speaking Mama calling you every derogatory Spanish name in the book and to your face while you’re nodding your head, “yes” because you don’t know what the hell she is saying because you don’t speak Spanish. You’ll look like a damn fool and ain’t no way a Spanish Speaking Mama is going to let her baby marry a damn fool like you!
Girlfriend, stop the madness and take a “How to Speak Spanish Class” asap!
OVERWEIGHT MAMA HOUSE RULE:
“Lick it up baby! Eat whatever food your boyfriend’s Overweight Mama puts on your damn plate and you won’t have no problems!”
When it comes to an Overweight Mama you had better damn well eat whatever food she puts on your plate and it doesn’t matter if you don’t like it or are allergic to it, just suck it up and eat it!
Gay Guys, if you don’t an Overweight Mama will have it set in her mind that you’re a bitch who is anorexic or bulemic (even though you may be fatter than she is) and she’s not going to let you take her son down with your bony-ass. So, basically she will be testing you all through the Christmas holiday by giving you big plates of food. Most of it will be stuff that you don’t like. Just remember that the only reason she is doing this is because you are so skinny. (Well, at least in her mind you are skinny if you don’t eat the food that she puts on your plate.) Yes, I know that this is discrimination but who says that life is fair! Just suck it up and deal with it! Simply eat whatever food your boyfriend’s Overweight Mama puts on your plate! Also be prepared to lick the plate clean!
Gay Guys, you might want to consider not eating anything for at least two days before you go to your boyfriend’s Overweight Mama’s house to really show her that you have a “healthy” appetite.
For future visits you might want to present your boyfriend’s Overweight Mama with copies of grocery, takeout and delivery food receipts to prove to her that you ARE feeding her baby and not starving him to death if the relationship develops into something more serious. Just think Gay Guys, you’ll only have to do this for the first three years of your marriage but then you’re home free!
BLACK MAMA HOUSE RULE:
“Oh no he didn’t! Don’t crack your gum up in a Black Mama’s House!”
It doesn’t matter if you are a Black, White, Hispanic, Asian or Indian Gay Guy DON’T I repeat DON’T come up into a Black Mama’s house smackin’ and poppin’ on ANY kind of gum because this is the fastest way to get the watermelon or spearmint flavored taste knocked out of your mouth!
Don’t be no fool!
To a Black Mama smackin’ and poppin’ on gum up in her house is the ultimate sign of disrespect that won’t be tolerated!
So, don’t do it unless you have a serious death wish! (At this time I would like to send a shout out to the late Charles Bronson.)
Major Sucking Up Tip: Bring along a couple of packs of Juicy Fruit, Wrigley’s Spearmint, Bazooka, Dentyne, Chiclets and Bubble Yum Bubble Gum and present them as a gift to your boyfriend’s Black Mama.
Always remember that a Black Mama can smack and pop on gum up in her own house but you sure as hell can’t!
SEXY MAMA HOUSE RULE:
“Zip it! Mind your own damn business when it comes to your boyfriend’s mamas sexy wardrobe!”
Let’s face it, just because a woman turns 40, 50 or 60 doesn’t mean that she stops being sexy. There are many older women like Tina Turner, Goldie Hawn and Sophia Loren whose sexiness defies age HOWEVER this does not apply to your boyfriend’s mama.
So Gay Guys, when your boyfriend’s 65 year old Sexy Mama opens the front door wearing a crotch-length black skirt, pink midriff shirt and the most gaudy pair of black stilettos that you have ever seen do yourself and your boyfriend a favor and keep your damn mouth shut! If you have a negative comment keep your damn mouth shut! If you have a positive comment keep your damn mouth shut! Bite your tongue or lip but do whatever the hell you have to do to keep quiet about your boyfriend’s mamas sexy wardrobe!
Gay Guys PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE don’t say a damn thing because if you do a Sexy Mama will quickly tell you that the way she dresses is none of your goddamn business cause’ you don’t pay none of her bills and don’t do a damn thing for her! So who the hell is some stranger to tell her how to dress! So mind your own damn business!
Gay Guys, just send a word of thanks up to God that your mother doesn’t dress like a dime store hooker like your boyfriend’s mama does.
But most importantly Gay Guys, pray to God, I mean pray like hell that your boyfriend’s Sexy Mama will want to spend the Christmas holiday at home and won’t want to go out to dinner because you’ll just die of embarrassment if you have to go out in public with your boyfriend’s Hoochie, I mean Sexy Mama dressed like that!
Amen!
Hey, Marcy Playground! You’re not the only ones who can smell sex and candy because I smell sex and candy too and it smells soooo good!
Hey, couples! Has your sex life become boring and mundane? Well, try amping things up in the bedroom with one of these sex and candy combos. And remember, when it comes to candy, chocolate isn’t the only aphrodisiac.
Remember the movie, The Matrix, which starred Keanu Reeves? Well, there’s a great tagline from the movie that applies here, “FREE YOUR MIND!” And like sultry soul singer Teddy Pendergrass would say, “Turn off the lights, light a candle” and try one of these sexy candy twosomes or threesomes or whatever turns you and your partner on.
SEX AND CANDY COMBO 1: Role Playing with Chocolate Gold Coins & Licorice Ropes
For Lesbians Only!
Licorice is a chewy candy that traditionally comes in red and black colors.
Chocolate Gold Coins are solid milk chocolates wrapped in gold foil to look like U.S. quarter coins.
(Roles)
Robber: The Female
Hostage: The Female
Low Budget “Do It Yourself” Porno Script:
The Robber pretends to break into the house only occupied by the Hostage. The Robber takes the Hostage into the kitchen and demands that she turn over the Gold Coins that she knows are in the house. The Hostage refuses. The Robber tells her that she will make her “suffer” if she doesn’t tell her where the Gold Coins are. The Hostage still refuses. The Robber tells the Hostage to stay put then storms off and a few seconds later, returns with the Gold Coins. She drops them on the floor. She walks over to the Hostage and starts to rip off her clothes. The Hostage pretends to scream. Once the Hostage is naked, she binds her hands and feet with the Licorice Rope and lays her on the kitchen floor with her legs spread eagle and hands thrown over her head, next to the Gold Coins. The Robber then takes her clothes off and begins to make the Hostage “suffer” by kissing and licking her body all over. She then takes out a gold coin and unwraps it and begins to feed the Hostage with it. The Robber repeats the process of kissing and licking her Hostage and feeding her the chocolate gold coins. Once the Robber feels like playtime is over, she makes love to the Hostage while she is still tied up with the Licorice Rope spread eagle, on the kitchen floor.
SEX AND CANDY COMBO 2: Blown Away with “Lik-M-Aid” Fun Dip Candy
For Gay Males Only!
“Lik-M-Aid” Fun Dip is a candy that originally came in a long pouch that contained three flavored & colored sugar powders and two edible dipper sticks called “Lik-A-Stix.”
Sex Instructions: While sitting in bed opposite each other, Guys open up the Fun Dip pack and takes out a Lik-A-Stick. While your male partner watches, slowly put the Lik-A-Stick into your mouth and proceed to suck on it loudly while moving it in and out of your mouth, pretending to perform fellatio. Remember Guys, don’t hold back! Really get into it! Moan and make dirty sounds! Have some low-down dirty fun! Really try to turn your partner on. Guys, also remember to open up a package of the Fun Dip flavored sugar powder and dip the Lik-A-Stick into the powder of your choice and lick it seductively off with your tongue. Like a nasty boy, move your tongue up and down and in circles around the Lik-A-Stick to remove the powder. And Guys, don’t be stingy! Dip the Lik-A-Stick into the powder and offer some to your partner. Finally Guys, when you feel like playtime is over and you are ready to get down to business, toss the Lik-A-Stick aside and pour the remaining flavored sugar powder over your partner’s penis and proceed to lick it off while performing fellatio on your partner.
WHAT IS FOOT FLIRTING?
Foot Flirting is a fun form of communication between two females where one woman uses her feet to arouse or express a sexual or romantic interest in the other woman.
WHAT DO I NEED TO FOOT FLIRT?
-Flattering Feet
This is a must! To obtain “flattering feet” simply make sure that your toenails are clipped and your feet are clean, pumiced and moisturized! Wearing nail polish is optional but if you do decide to wear it, remember to choose a color of nail polish that compliments your skin tone. If you can’t find a color of nail polish that you like or you are a woman who simply doesn’t like to polish her toenails, compromise by wearing a clear glossy nail polish to give your toes some shiny pizazz! A simple toe ring or tasteful ankle bracelet can also be worn to draw added attention to your feet.
-Flattering Footwear
High-heeled shoes are a must! They should make a lot of noise when you walk in order to draw added attention to yourself. Your shoes should be sandalesque and show your toes, or they should be backless. If you absolutely have to wear flats, make sure that they show your toes and are backless as well. Basically, you should be able to slip your feet out of the shoes effortlessly. Remember to choose fun colors like red or pink although a cute pair of basic black shoes can be just as effective.
-Flattering Clothing
A flattering dress that shows off your legs and feet is necessary. The dress should be either “slightly above the knee” or “slightly below the knee.” Try to stay away from mini-skirts and short-shorts to avoid the dreaded hoochie-mama look! Even wearing a cute pair of jeans or some dressy slacks would be great, just make sure that your clothing goes with your footwear.
-Flattering Fragrance
When you walk by your “target” your perfume should linger seductively in the air not hang there like a dark cloud! It should provide a “sexy aura” while you are flirting. Also use scented foot lotions and balms or even spritz your feet with a little bit of perfume. Perfume can be pleasing to the senses and very arousing.
HOW TO FOOT FLIRT WITH LESBIANS!
(It’s easy! Below are two ways to do it.)
-Foot Flirting 101
Casually walk past a woman that you are attracted to and “accidentally” leave one of your shoes behind. Say the word, “oops” loudly then go back and ask the woman that you are attracted to, to put the shoe back on your foot. After she puts the shoe on your foot, whisper the word, “thanks” into her ear. Don’t forget to smile suggestively and wink at her. Then casually strike up a conversation, say what comes naturally.
-Foot Flirting 102
Sit down next to or very close to a woman that you are attracted to then slowly and seductively cross your legs and take off one of your shoes. Hold it in your hand, with the other hand gently massage your foot. Next, “accidentally” drop your shoe near her. Use the “oops” trick mentioned above, then ask her to put the shoe back on your foot. After she puts the shoe back on your foot, be sure to bat your eyelashes and pat her arm or squeeze her hand while you thank her. Then casually strike up a conversation which can include asking her to massage your feet.
Picture it!
You’re a gay male with two young sons who decides to leave an abusive partner………………..
(Hold on! I have one more scenario that I want to share.)
You’re a lesbian who has three children (2 girls and 1 boy) with her girlfriend. You finally decide that you have had enough of being your girlfriend’s personal punching bag so you decide to leave your abusive girlfriend…………………………..
(Now i’m gonna’ pick up where I left off.)
If you are a gay male unfortunately there are virtually no domestic violence shelters for battered gay males in America where you and your children can go.
If you are a lesbian there are alot of shelters in America that will take you and your daughters in and that’s primarily because you are female (unfortunately there are no domestic violence shelters strictly for lesbians) BUT they will usually only take boys 12 years old and under which means that if you have a male child who is 13, 14, 15, 16 or 17 you are basically shit out of luck!
Here are some options for both gay males and lesbians in abusive relationships:
-Stay with your abuser and continue to get your ass kicked and your faced bashed in on a daily, weekly or monthly basis.
-Stay with your abuser and continue to let him or her call you a “lazy fat pig” even though you are super-thin, call you a “cheatin’ whore” when in fact you have been nothing but faithful to your partner from the start of your relationship and many other horrible names that he or she can think of.
-Take temporary refuge at a friend or relative’s house and pray that he or she doesn’t find you which they usually do.
-If you are a lesbian with female and male children, take only your female children and beg someone to take in your son or kick his ass to the curb which some mother’s unfortunately would do.
-Call DCYF and tell them about your situation then sit back and watch them take custody of your children.
-Pray to God that the abuse will stop or that you will win 1 million dollars so that you can be free of your abuser.
-Kill the bitch or bastard and hope that a lawyer can get you off on a temporary insanity defense.
-Try to have an extra marital affair with another male or female but one with mega-money and ask them to help get you out of your abusive relationship.
-Tell your abuser that you want a divorce or want to break up and hope that he or she won’t stalk, harrass or worse kill you.
-Write to your local, state and national government officials and ask them to help enact some laws to start some domestic violence shelters for Gays and Lesbians which is a great future goal but you need help now!
I mean, what the hell is a gay or lesbian with older male children to do?
There’s got to be something!
Come on everybody! Help the gay and lesbian victims of domestic violence out too!
Remember, when it comes to violence there should be no discrimination when it comes to sexual orientation!
Do you have friends or family members who get angry, uncomfortable or embarrassed while they are out on the town with you when another individual accidentally mistakes them as being gay? What exactly do they do? What kinds of things do they say?
Gals, have you ever been out on a first date with what you thought, at the time, was the woman of your dreams? For the first fifteen minutes of your first date, did you feel like you were the luckiest gal alive? Did you feel like you were floating on air? Then three hours later, you realize that the woman sitting across from you isn’t the woman of your dreams, but just another loser in a long line of them that you always seem to attract. To make matters worse, at the beginning of the date you invited her to come back to your place for coffee. Now what do you do! Gals, relax because help is here. Below are three surefire ways to get rid of a bad date fast.
P.S. The reason why I wrote three ways instead of six or ten is because according to an old superstition, “bad things always happen in threes.” So you see, there is a method to my madness!
Surefire Method 1:
Gals, repeatedly scratch your vagina and sniff your fingers in full view of your bad date. After the seventh time, hold your fingers up to your bad date’s nose and ask her in the most innocent voice that you can muster up, “Does it smell like my yeast infection is getting better to you? Do you think it’s contagious?”
Surefire Method 2:
Tell your bad date that you are a wild and crazy girl and want to have some real fun. Show her just how wild and crazy you are by taking out a copy of 1970’s one hit wonder Morris Albert’s yucky love song, “Feelings” and pop it into your karaoke machine. Proclaim this to be “Feelings” night and promise that before the night ends that you and your bad date will sing nothing but “Feelings” for eight hours straight.
Surefire Method 3:
Keep your promise and offer to make your bad date a cup of coffee but offer to make her a cup of your own “special brew” which can consist of anything that your bad date is not allergic to, will hurt her and dissolves easily in hot water such as caster oil or the juice from the liver and onions that you consumed for dinner last night. Don’t forget to serve your “special brew” of coffee with cream, sugar, splenda, or sweet n’ low on the side spiked with a little bran fiber.
If your bad date would prefer a cold beverage like iced tea, a soft drink, a glass of wine or a can of beer be sure to “spike” it too with something like a combination of pickle juice and strawberry extract or brussel sprout, seaweed and beet juice. And most importantly, don’t forget to add a garnish! Instead of using a slice of lemon, lime, cherry or a cocktail onion use a jalapeno pepper, small octopus with four legs dangling over one side of the glass and the other four legs dangling over the other side of the glass or a small dead fish head. Gals, if you do decide to use a fish head as a garnish make sure that the eyes are turned towards your bad date for maximum effect.
Gals, back in 1953, blond bombshell Marilyn Monroe said that “Diamonds Are A Girl’s Best Friend.” But I, Tina “Knowledgeable” Peden, say that “Yeast Infections, Crappy Music and Coffee That Gives You A Stinky Runny Bowel Movement Are A Girl’s Best Friend” when it comes to getting rid of a bad date fast in the year 2007!
Guys, be honest. There are some of you out there who only want one thing from a guy and it ain’t teeth whitening tips. You want sex from a guy. You don’t want friendship, marriage or a commitment of any kind. You just want sex.
Now guys, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that, just as long as your date is aware of this fact. Remember, what goes on between two consenting adults is their business!
I am going to be honest with you. Most guys would rather date a guy who is upfront and honest about his sexual intentions than be with a guy who tells a guy that he loves him just so he can have sex with him.
So, for those guys out there who only want sex from a guy, always remember to:
* Be honest about your sexual intentions.
* Never use the word, L-O-V-E.
* Be sexually responsible by wearing a condom 100% of the time for both of your sakes.
* Provide your partner with an AIDS or other sexually transmitted disease test if he asks for one.
* Be prepared to nurse a stinging slap to the face or a hard kick to the family jewels from males who may be offended by your sexual intentions.
And last but not least, try not to cry or get angry when you may get dumped for another guy who wants marriage or a serious commitment.
I absolutely love the movie, “Get Real!”
For a 37-year-old heterosexual black female like myself to say that I love a movie about a teenage white male who is struggling to come to terms with his homosexuality in a small english town, you know that the movie has to be damn good because telling certain black people that I love this movie could get my ass kicked and my race card revoked or temporarily suspended.
Every man and woman regardless of race and sexual orientation should make a beeline to their nearest video store and rent a copy of this movie because it will not only entertain and inform you but it will make you a more compassionate person.
This beautiful coming-of-age movie should be required viewing for every straight male and female on the planet.
If you are a gay male, at some point in your life you have probably lived this movie so it won’t hurt you to live it again by renting this video.
One of my favorite scenes of the movie is at the end when the main character, Steven Carter tells an auditorium full of people that he is gay then asks when it comes to gays what is everyone so scared of because it’s only love.
I totally agree! It is only love and people have nothing to be afraid of when it comes to homosexual love.
Be afraid of Ted Bundy or the Boogieman not homosexuals, that makes no sense.
For more info on this movie, click on the link below.
http://movies.yahoo.com/movie/1800018978/info
Dear Knowledgeable: I’m a 38-year-old mother with no imagination or creativity. My life-partner Jennifer is always telling our friends that she wishes that I could be more romantic and I want to try. Mother’s Day is coming up and I want to do something special for Jennifer, got any ideas? — Hopelessly Unromantic
Dear Hopelessly Unromantic: Try this idea. Go down to your nearest craft store and stock up on red and pink construction paper, scissors, magic markers, glitter, glue and create some “sexy hearts” with erotic messages on them like “Kiss Me, Cuntly!” or “I Love Sex, Candy and Jennifer, in that order!” then strategically place them all around your bedroom.
Next, amp up the ambiance by placing some pheromone candles all over your bedroom. Pheromone candles are candles that contain a hormone-like chemical substance which is usually odorless that triggers sexual responses.
These candles can be purchased at Nawty Things, a unique online store that sells adult products. Nawty Things has several scented pheromone candles to choose from like:
* Blazin’ Bitch Black Cherry
* Burning Desire Passion Fruit
* Foreplay Strawberries & Champagne
* Sex Ripe n’ Ready Raspberry
* Sooo Horny Hot n’ Bothered Berry
* Sin in a Tin Crazy Girl
For more info about Nawty Things, go to http://www.nawtythings.com.
Next, go buy or burn a couple of romantic songs from the internet. Teddy Pendergrass and Barry White are connoisseurs of the love song, or have a little fun with your lesbian lover by playing music by the industry’s top lesbians like Melissa Etheridge, K.D. Lang, or Lesley Gore.
Also, put a table of refreshments near the bed. Remember, snack food only! (It’s easier to feed your lover strawberries dipped in chocolate or ham and cheese on Ritz crackers than it is to feed them rack of lamb or roasted duck.)
Don’t forget to include the “poison” of your choice as well.
And last but not least, place at least two jars of edible erotic massage cream by your bed (which can be purchased at Nawty Things) and “Have A Very Happy And Nawty Mother’s Day!”
