Messy Divorce Hollywood Style Starring Christie Brinkley, Peter Cook & Diana Bianchi!

What’s with the 20 something women of today?

Don’t these “girls gone wild” have any morals not to mention common sense?

Of course, we all know about high-priced hooker, Ashley Dupree’s affair with former New York Governor, Eliot Spitzer.

Now that all of the hoopla has died down about Ashley, along comes another happy hooker in the making to fill the void.

Enter now 20 something skank/aspiring singer, Diana Bianchi.

The 20 something nobody had an affair with a married man but not just any married man, this moron had an affair with Peter Cook otherwise known as Mr. Christie “Supermodel” Brinkley.

Can anybody out there say stupid!

Hey Diana, intelligent women know that you never mess with a supermodel’s man or there’ll be hell to pay!

Good going, Einstein!

Furthermore, this nasty-ass chick (and yes Diana I am referring to you) “claims” that she was sexually harrassed by Christie Brinkley’s philandering husband. She said he enticed her to his business with a promised doubled salary then proceeded to seduce her.

(Like I said before this chick is nothing but a happy hooker in the making.)

Diana also said that Cook took advantage of her.

Hey Diana, I agree that you were 19 years old which is young but girlfriend you were old enough to know right from wrong and sleeping with a married man is definitely wrong, Diana and you damn well know it!

Quit playin’ dumb!

Although in your defense I know that it probably isn’t an act, you are truly dumb.

Sorry Diana, I know that the truth can hurt sometimes but girl you know it’s true! Oooh, oooh, oooh, I love you!

P.S. Milli Vanilli totally sucks!

Anyhoo back to the show!

To finish reading the rest of my article please click on Happy Hooker in the Making!

A Question For Lesbians: Can John McCain Handle The Britney Spears Vagina-Tampon Women Of Today?

I’m gonna’ make this article short but uncomfortable.

And i’m extremely proud of that!

Anyhoo, back to the show.

I betcha’ if a woman walked up to John McCain and said the word “vagina”, he would slap her across the face, call her a “creep” then stalk off in a huff because he would be so offended by a woman uttering the word “vagina” outloud in a public place.

Let’s face it, John McCain is “old school” and to keep it real, just plain old.

I betcha’ if a lesbian couple like Ellen Degeneres and Portia De Rossi were to go up to John McCain and whip out a couple of tampons and wave them around teasingly in his face he would probably gasp loudly at seeing a lesbian couple and a couple of tampons in the same place, cover his eyes and grope his way to the nearest exit.

God, I would pay money to see that, but I digress.

So I pose this question to you…………………………….

“Can John McCain’s “old school” ass handle the Britney Spears vagina-tampon women of today?”

These women are brazen, fearless, shameless, ruthless and everywhere! They’re his new constituents! And they ain’t goin’ no where! They’re in rapid supply and they multiply!

(Long evil laugh!)

With women as young as teenyboppers flashing their vajayjays on YouTube or at any camera in hopes of furthering or jumpstarting their careers, could John McCain handle these women in his presidential tenure?

With women getting knocked up out of wedlock at the drop of a hat like it’s the latest fashion, can John McCain handle it?

With sex tapes of Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian making women with absolutely no talent household names and oodles and oodles of cash, can John McCain handle it?

This good ol’ boy is from a totally different generation from the Britney Spears vagina-tampon women of today.

With Jenna Jamison telling women how they can make love like a porn star and porn not being available in John McCain’s day, i’m going to ask all of you of there reading this article……………………..

“Can a conservative Republican like John McCain handle the Britney Spears vagina-tampon women of today?”

Please let me know.

(Like Nails On A Damn Chalkboard!) The Spanish Channel Epidemic Is Driving Me Crazy!

Hey, party people!
Instablogs is the place to be, ho!

By the by, when I say the word “ho”, I am not referring to hooker, Ashley Dupre, i’m referring to the name Pimp Daddy Eliot Spitzer calls out when he comes inside Ashley Dupre, “ho!”

Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!

To read the rest of my latest article please click on Ho!

Using a company computer to view porno sites and failing to clean up your mess afterwards is wrong!

“If you’re hearing this message it means that you have been fired from your job.”

“Possible reasons why you got canned are:”

“A. Using a company computer to view porno sites and failing to clean up your mess afterwards.”

“B. Sexually harassing ugly co-workers over the age of 30.”

“Sexually harassing ugly co-workers under the age of 29 is completely acceptable and within company guidelines.”

“C. Stealing company property then selling it and not giving the janitor his 50 percent cut.”

“D. It’s an election year and your new boss is a staunch Republican and you’re a no good bleeding heart, tree-huggin’ Democrat.”

“E. It’s an election year and your new boss is a staunch Democrat and you’re a greedy environment-ruining, equal rights bashing Republican.”

“F. You’re a victim of corporate downsizing which means you were fired for no good reason at all.”

“G. Your contract with the company wasn’t renewed because the printer ran out of ink due to all the 50 year old employees photocopying their butts.”

“H. Your body odor and bad breath have been slowly killing the plants.”

“I. You’ve been late arriving at work because of being picked up for drunk driving 81 times and 80 is the company limit.”

“J. You’re salary demands were way too low which is a disgrace to greedy employees everywhere.”

“K. You don’t get along with any of your co-workers because you are the only one there who actually works unlike everybody else who are only there to check their ‘MySpace’ pages, make long distance calls and steal the postage stamps.”

“L. The boss found out that you had sex on the breakroom microwave and didn’t have the decency to tape it and upload it a’la Paris Hilton-style onto the internet for everyone to see!”

“M. You got caught lying about being sick when you were spotted at a Morris Albert concert that same day.”

“P.S. The reason why you were fired wasn’t because you lied, it was because you actually went to see Morris Albert in concert and no company can have their employees engaging in that kind of sick-ass behavior, i.e. Morris Albert and his crappy love song, ‘Feelings’ sucks! Feelings, wo-o-o feelings, wo-o-o, feelings. Feelings, wo-o-o feelings, wo-o-o, feelings.”

“And I hope that this message doesn’t hurt your feelings because as a reminder if you’re hearing this message it means that you have been fired from your job.”

“To put is nicely, you’ve been terminated, dismissed, sacked, let go, axed, kicked to the curb, chucked, discharged and sacked.”

Adultery is Out for Eliot Spitzer & His Hooker, Adultery is In for Nico & Kirby on Lipstick Jungle!

Define irony!

If Eliot Spitzer were an older female having an extramarital affair with a hot young guy half her age, he probably would still be in office.

To read more of this story please click on the link below.

Adultery is sooo in baby!

A Question for Gay & Lesbians: What is a Full-of-Shit Game Show Contestant?

What is a Full-of-Shit Game Show Contestant?

(Definition) A totally bogus gay male or lesbian female who has the nerve to tell the host of a game show that they had a great time on the show after losing a fabulous prize like twenty-five thousand dollars or a brand new car with a big ol’ smile on their face thereby lying through their teeth and fooling absolutely noone.

I will now use this phrase in a couple of sentences to clarify its meaning.

Look boss, isn’t that guy the Full-of-Shit Game Show Contestant we saw on ‘The Price Is Right’ yesterday that has screwed more of his male co-workers than you and Bob Barker put together? That low-down dirty dog! Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha!

I can’t believe Pat Sajak just pissed his pants because Vanna White and that Full-of-Shit Game Show Contestant got knocked upside the head by 3 consonants and a vowel on ‘Wheel of Fortune!’ That’s not funny!

Why is that Full-of-Shit Game Show Contestant stomping the hell out of that ugly-ass parting gift that Regis Philbin gave her on ‘Who Wants to be a Millionaire? That’s not nice! Nor is it
lesbian-like!

Homophile Probe Beat: The Unibrow and Gays

A question for lesbians: Would you date a woman who had a prominent unibrow?
For example, click here.
If not, tell me why.

A question for gay males: Would you date a guy who had a prominent unibrow?
For example click here.
If not, tell me why.

TKP’s Gay & Lesbian Pop Culture Dictionary (What does S.F.O.L. mean?)

Page 1

Definition:

S.F.O.L. stands for Shit-Faced On Love.

Instead of a gay or lesbian couple being drunk on screwdrivers, gin and tonics, tequila sunrises or banana daiquiris they are drunk on their love for each other. When these couples are together they experience an overwhelming intoxicating feeling of intense passion for each other which often leads to public displays of french-kissing, butt-rubbing, penis-stroking and boob-tweaking.

For Gay & Lesbians Only: Need a Date? If so, try Gay.com!

GAY.COM (ranks 1,766 in Alexa - March 2007) is the largest gay and lesbian online dating site with over 3 million active world-wide members!

In addition to online dating, they also offer other gay community related information, entertainment, live chat, news and much more!

Join! Get a subscription or become a member now!

For more info on Gay.com click on the link below!

“I Need A Same Sex Date Bad!”

Song Lyrics to: “Gay Guys, Some Gay Guys Will Say Anything To Get Some Penis!”

Everybody sing!

Verse 1:
WARNING!

Gay Guys, some gay guys will say anything to get some penis!
To the legit
To pure bullshit
Gay Guys, here’s an example of this macho bullshit

Verse 2:
DUMB-ASS GAY MALE SAYS:
Hey baby!
If we have sex tonight, you don’t even have to worry about gettin’ no disease!
You’re looking at the only man in the world who doesn’t have to wear a rubber!
They call me Quick Draw Withdraw!
Yee-haw!
In a flash, I’ll pull my dick out of your anus before I cum!

Verse 3:
STUNNED SMART-ASS GAY MALE SAYS:
Now that line was just plain dumb!
You low-down dirty bum!
So to punish you.
Yes, punish you!
For only thinking of you.
And for only thinking with your shriveled-up woo-woo! (i.e. little dick)
This guy says:
No penis!
No penis!
No penis for you!

It’s Time To Get Nasty With Sex And Candy For Lesbians And Gay Males Only!

Hey, Marcy Playground! You’re not the only ones who can smell sex and candy because I smell sex and candy too and it smells soooo good!

Hey, couples! Has your sex life become boring and mundane? Well, try amping things up in the bedroom with one of these sex and candy combos. And remember, when it comes to candy, chocolate isn’t the only aphrodisiac.

Remember the movie, The Matrix, which starred Keanu Reeves? Well, there’s a great tagline from the movie that applies here, “FREE YOUR MIND!” And like sultry soul singer Teddy Pendergrass would say, “Turn off the lights, light a candle” and try one of these sexy candy twosomes or threesomes or whatever turns you and your partner on.

SEX AND CANDY COMBO 1: Role Playing with Chocolate Gold Coins & Licorice Ropes
For Lesbians Only!

Licorice is a chewy candy that traditionally comes in red and black colors.

Chocolate Gold Coins are solid milk chocolates wrapped in gold foil to look like U.S. quarter coins.

(Roles)

Robber: The Female

Hostage: The Female

Low Budget “Do It Yourself” Porno Script:

The Robber pretends to break into the house only occupied by the Hostage. The Robber takes the Hostage into the kitchen and demands that she turn over the Gold Coins that she knows are in the house. The Hostage refuses. The Robber tells her that she will make her “suffer” if she doesn’t tell her where the Gold Coins are. The Hostage still refuses. The Robber tells the Hostage to stay put then storms off and a few seconds later, returns with the Gold Coins. She drops them on the floor. She walks over to the Hostage and starts to rip off her clothes. The Hostage pretends to scream. Once the Hostage is naked, she binds her hands and feet with the Licorice Rope and lays her on the kitchen floor with her legs spread eagle and hands thrown over her head, next to the Gold Coins. The Robber then takes her clothes off and begins to make the Hostage “suffer” by kissing and licking her body all over. She then takes out a gold coin and unwraps it and begins to feed the Hostage with it. The Robber repeats the process of kissing and licking her Hostage and feeding her the chocolate gold coins. Once the Robber feels like playtime is over, she makes love to the Hostage while she is still tied up with the Licorice Rope spread eagle, on the kitchen floor.

SEX AND CANDY COMBO 2: Blown Away with “Lik-M-Aid” Fun Dip Candy
For Gay Males Only!

“Lik-M-Aid” Fun Dip is a candy that originally came in a long pouch that contained three flavored & colored sugar powders and two edible dipper sticks called “Lik-A-Stix.”

Sex Instructions: While sitting in bed opposite each other, Guys open up the Fun Dip pack and takes out a Lik-A-Stick. While your male partner watches, slowly put the Lik-A-Stick into your mouth and proceed to suck on it loudly while moving it in and out of your mouth, pretending to perform fellatio. Remember Guys, don’t hold back! Really get into it! Moan and make dirty sounds! Have some low-down dirty fun! Really try to turn your partner on. Guys, also remember to open up a package of the Fun Dip flavored sugar powder and dip the Lik-A-Stick into the powder of your choice and lick it seductively off with your tongue. Like a nasty boy, move your tongue up and down and in circles around the Lik-A-Stick to remove the powder. And Guys, don’t be stingy! Dip the Lik-A-Stick into the powder and offer some to your partner. Finally Guys, when you feel like playtime is over and you are ready to get down to business, toss the Lik-A-Stick aside and pour the remaining flavored sugar powder over your partner’s penis and proceed to lick it off while performing fellatio on your partner.

Flirting 101: For Lesbians Only!

WHAT IS FOOT FLIRTING?

Foot Flirting is a fun form of communication between two females where one woman uses her feet to arouse or express a sexual or romantic interest in the other woman.

WHAT DO I NEED TO FOOT FLIRT?

-Flattering Feet
This is a must! To obtain “flattering feet” simply make sure that your toenails are clipped and your feet are clean, pumiced and moisturized! Wearing nail polish is optional but if you do decide to wear it, remember to choose a color of nail polish that compliments your skin tone. If you can’t find a color of nail polish that you like or you are a woman who simply doesn’t like to polish her toenails, compromise by wearing a clear glossy nail polish to give your toes some shiny pizazz! A simple toe ring or tasteful ankle bracelet can also be worn to draw added attention to your feet.

-Flattering Footwear
High-heeled shoes are a must! They should make a lot of noise when you walk in order to draw added attention to yourself. Your shoes should be sandalesque and show your toes, or they should be backless. If you absolutely have to wear flats, make sure that they show your toes and are backless as well. Basically, you should be able to slip your feet out of the shoes effortlessly. Remember to choose fun colors like red or pink although a cute pair of basic black shoes can be just as effective.

-Flattering Clothing
A flattering dress that shows off your legs and feet is necessary. The dress should be either “slightly above the knee” or “slightly below the knee.” Try to stay away from mini-skirts and short-shorts to avoid the dreaded hoochie-mama look! Even wearing a cute pair of jeans or some dressy slacks would be great, just make sure that your clothing goes with your footwear.

-Flattering Fragrance
When you walk by your “target” your perfume should linger seductively in the air not hang there like a dark cloud! It should provide a “sexy aura” while you are flirting. Also use scented foot lotions and balms or even spritz your feet with a little bit of perfume. Perfume can be pleasing to the senses and very arousing.

HOW TO FOOT FLIRT WITH LESBIANS!
(It’s easy! Below are two ways to do it.)

-Foot Flirting 101
Casually walk past a woman that you are attracted to and “accidentally” leave one of your shoes behind. Say the word, “oops” loudly then go back and ask the woman that you are attracted to, to put the shoe back on your foot. After she puts the shoe on your foot, whisper the word, “thanks” into her ear. Don’t forget to smile suggestively and wink at her. Then casually strike up a conversation, say what comes naturally.

-Foot Flirting 102
Sit down next to or very close to a woman that you are attracted to then slowly and seductively cross your legs and take off one of your shoes. Hold it in your hand, with the other hand gently massage your foot. Next, “accidentally” drop your shoe near her. Use the “oops” trick mentioned above, then ask her to put the shoe back on your foot. After she puts the shoe back on your foot, be sure to bat your eyelashes and pat her arm or squeeze her hand while you thank her. Then casually strike up a conversation which can include asking her to massage your feet.

For Lesbians Only: Hey Lesley Gore! It’s My Party And I’ll……………

HEY LESLEY GORE! IT’S MY PARTY AND I’LL CUM IF I WANT TO!

Hey Lesley!
Kudos to you for coming out of the closet in 2005!
And boos to the media for not really making it well known until 2006!
Even though I was born in 1970 and you recorded the majority of your music in the 1960’s, this heterosexual black chick really digs your music!
Since you have done so much to entertain lesbos and heteros, like me, it’s 2007, it’s my turn to entertain you!
Sister, I dedicate this song to you!

SONG LYRICS: IT’S MY PARTY AND I’LL CUM IF I WANT TO
WRITTEN BY: WALLY GOLD, JOHN GLUCK, HERB WEINER &
TINA “KNOWLEDGEABLE” PEDEN
SUNG BY: LESLEY GORE

Everybody knows where my Jenny has gone
(To eat some cunt)
Judy left at the same time
Why was she holding her hand
(Because she was happy she was going to get to eat some cunt)
When she’s supposed to be mine

It’s my party, and I’ll cum if I want to
Cum if I want to, cum if I want to
You would cum too if Jenny tongue-fucked you

Playin’ my records, keep masterbatin’ all night
Leave me alone for a while
‘Till Jenny’s tongue-fuckin’ me
This lesbo has got no reason to smile

It’s my party, and I’ll cum if I want to
Cum if I want to, cum if I want to
You would cum too if Jenny tongue-fucked you

[Lead Break]

Judy and Jenny just walked through the door
Like a tongue-fucked queen with her fucker queen
Oh what a birthday surprise
Judy’s wearin’ her strap-on tongue-fuckin’ ring

It’s my party, and I’ll cum if I want to
Cum if I want to, cum if I want to
You would cum too if Jenny tongue-fucked you

HEY LESBIAN GALS! HERE ARE THREE SUREFIRE WAYS TO GET RID OF A BAD DATE, FAST!

Gals, have you ever been out on a first date with what you thought, at the time, was the woman of your dreams? For the first fifteen minutes of your first date, did you feel like you were the luckiest gal alive? Did you feel like you were floating on air? Then three hours later, you realize that the woman sitting across from you isn’t the woman of your dreams, but just another loser in a long line of them that you always seem to attract. To make matters worse, at the beginning of the date you invited her to come back to your place for coffee. Now what do you do! Gals, relax because help is here. Below are three surefire ways to get rid of a bad date fast.

P.S. The reason why I wrote three ways instead of six or ten is because according to an old superstition, “bad things always happen in threes.” So you see, there is a method to my madness!

Surefire Method 1:
Gals, repeatedly scratch your vagina and sniff your fingers in full view of your bad date. After the seventh time, hold your fingers up to your bad date’s nose and ask her in the most innocent voice that you can muster up, “Does it smell like my yeast infection is getting better to you? Do you think it’s contagious?”

Surefire Method 2:
Tell your bad date that you are a wild and crazy girl and want to have some real fun. Show her just how wild and crazy you are by taking out a copy of 1970’s one hit wonder Morris Albert’s yucky love song, “Feelings” and pop it into your karaoke machine. Proclaim this to be “Feelings” night and promise that before the night ends that you and your bad date will sing nothing but “Feelings” for eight hours straight.

Surefire Method 3:
Keep your promise and offer to make your bad date a cup of coffee but offer to make her a cup of your own “special brew” which can consist of anything that your bad date is not allergic to, will hurt her and dissolves easily in hot water such as caster oil or the juice from the liver and onions that you consumed for dinner last night. Don’t forget to serve your “special brew” of coffee with cream, sugar, splenda, or sweet n’ low on the side spiked with a little bran fiber.

If your bad date would prefer a cold beverage like iced tea, a soft drink, a glass of wine or a can of beer be sure to “spike” it too with something like a combination of pickle juice and strawberry extract or brussel sprout, seaweed and beet juice. And most importantly, don’t forget to add a garnish! Instead of using a slice of lemon, lime, cherry or a cocktail onion use a jalapeno pepper, small octopus with four legs dangling over one side of the glass and the other four legs dangling over the other side of the glass or a small dead fish head. Gals, if you do decide to use a fish head as a garnish make sure that the eyes are turned towards your bad date for maximum effect.

Gals, back in 1953, blond bombshell Marilyn Monroe said that “Diamonds Are A Girl’s Best Friend.” But I, Tina “Knowledgeable” Peden, say that “Yeast Infections, Crappy Music and Coffee That Gives You A Stinky Runny Bowel Movement Are A Girl’s Best Friend” when it comes to getting rid of a bad date fast in the year 2007!

Some Guys Just Wanna Have Fun With Other Guys!

Guys, be honest. There are some of you out there who only want one thing from a guy and it ain’t teeth whitening tips. You want sex from a guy. You don’t want friendship, marriage or a commitment of any kind. You just want sex.

Now guys, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that, just as long as your date is aware of this fact. Remember, what goes on between two consenting adults is their business!

I am going to be honest with you. Most guys would rather date a guy who is upfront and honest about his sexual intentions than be with a guy who tells a guy that he loves him just so he can have sex with him.

So, for those guys out there who only want sex from a guy, always remember to:

* Be honest about your sexual intentions.
* Never use the word, L-O-V-E.
* Be sexually responsible by wearing a condom 100% of the time for both of your sakes.
* Provide your partner with an AIDS or other sexually transmitted disease test if he asks for one.
* Be prepared to nurse a stinging slap to the face or a hard kick to the family jewels from males who may be offended by your sexual intentions.

And last but not least, try not to cry or get angry when you may get dumped for another guy who wants marriage or a serious commitment.

Movie Review: “Get Real!” (1999)

I absolutely love the movie, “Get Real!”

For a 37-year-old heterosexual black female like myself to say that I love a movie about a teenage white male who is struggling to come to terms with his homosexuality in a small english town, you know that the movie has to be damn good because telling certain black people that I love this movie could get my ass kicked and my race card revoked or temporarily suspended.

Every man and woman regardless of race and sexual orientation should make a beeline to their nearest video store and rent a copy of this movie because it will not only entertain and inform you but it will make you a more compassionate person.

This beautiful coming-of-age movie should be required viewing for every straight male and female on the planet.

If you are a gay male, at some point in your life you have probably lived this movie so it won’t hurt you to live it again by renting this video.

One of my favorite scenes of the movie is at the end when the main character, Steven Carter tells an auditorium full of people that he is gay then asks when it comes to gays what is everyone so scared of because it’s only love.

I totally agree! It is only love and people have nothing to be afraid of when it comes to homosexual love.

Be afraid of Ted Bundy or the Boogieman not homosexuals, that makes no sense.

For more info on this movie, click on the link below.
http://movies.yahoo.com/movie/1800018978/info

“Dear Knowledgeable”

Dear Knowledgeable: I’m a 38-year-old mother with no imagination or creativity. My life-partner Jennifer is always telling our friends that she wishes that I could be more romantic and I want to try. Mother’s Day is coming up and I want to do something special for Jennifer, got any ideas? — Hopelessly Unromantic

Dear Hopelessly Unromantic: Try this idea. Go down to your nearest craft store and stock up on red and pink construction paper, scissors, magic markers, glitter, glue and create some “sexy hearts” with erotic messages on them like “Kiss Me, Cuntly!” or “I Love Sex, Candy and Jennifer, in that order!” then strategically place them all around your bedroom.

Next, amp up the ambiance by placing some pheromone candles all over your bedroom. Pheromone candles are candles that contain a hormone-like chemical substance which is usually odorless that triggers sexual responses.

These candles can be purchased at Nawty Things, a unique online store that sells adult products. Nawty Things has several scented pheromone candles to choose from like:

* Blazin’ Bitch Black Cherry
* Burning Desire Passion Fruit
* Foreplay Strawberries & Champagne
* Sex Ripe n’ Ready Raspberry
* Sooo Horny Hot n’ Bothered Berry
* Sin in a Tin Crazy Girl

For more info about Nawty Things, go to http://www.nawtythings.com.

Next, go buy or burn a couple of romantic songs from the internet. Teddy Pendergrass and Barry White are connoisseurs of the love song, or have a little fun with your lesbian lover by playing music by the industry’s top lesbians like Melissa Etheridge, K.D. Lang, or Lesley Gore.

Also, put a table of refreshments near the bed. Remember, snack food only! (It’s easier to feed your lover strawberries dipped in chocolate or ham and cheese on Ritz crackers than it is to feed them rack of lamb or roasted duck.)

Don’t forget to include the “poison” of your choice as well.

And last but not least, place at least two jars of edible erotic massage cream by your bed (which can be purchased at Nawty Things) and “Have A Very Happy And Nawty Mother’s Day!”